Why???

I am blogging today trying to pass time as I wait anxiously by my phone. My dear friend Hilary is in Florida trying to adopt a beautiful baby boy. I am overcome with emotions that are difficult to even articulate. This journey started almost 5 years ago when a family moved into our ward from Utah. I had met her once at a play date. She had a beautiful daughter Elizabeth whom was 1, which was a miracle after 10 years of infertility she was conceived through invitro. She told us at the play date she was pregnant with her second child, which was even more amazing considering her infertility issues. A week later she went to a Doctors appointment where she found out that the baby had no heart beat, and she tragically lost. I didn't even really know Hilary but I remember like it was yesterday sitting in church the Sunday after she lost that baby and feeling the Holy spirit burning in my heart that I needed to get up after sacrament and go embrace this stranger whom had experienced this tragic loss, I fought the feeling thinking she will think I am a lunatic. I remember the meeting ending, and walking towards her, she was pale and her eyes empty. No words were exchanged I just hugged her, we stood there as strangers and cried, and cried and cried. She shook in grief and I knew Heavenly Father had forever bonded us as friends and sisters to go through this journey together. Five years have gone on and Hilary has experience 2 more miscarriages, one almost taking her life, and two failed attempts of surrogacy. Through all these difficult times I have learned so much and it has been such a trial of faith. I have prayed and begged Heavenly Father for understanding and the answer to my prayers has always been that we will understand someday "Why"! I pray as I sit today a nervous wreck that this will be the "Why!" that this precious little boy was sent down here to answer our prayers and that when she holds him for the first time and looks in his eyes we will know why. I do know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers and that he is aware of our needs. Life creates holding places, and experiences so we are able to receive his blessing. I don't believe that that are there are coincidence's just tender mercy's from our loving heavenly father. I believe Heavenly Father sent Bill on a Spanish speaking mission to prepare him for the moment when they went to meet the grandmother of the baby there adopting. She spoke only Spanish he was able to communicate and bond with her. I believe Heavenly Father sent Melissa into there lives as a faithful servant and example of self-less compassion and service to give there embryos an opportunity to have a body and soften the heart of Bill towards adoption, and maybe to delay time until there son was ready to come to earth. I know Heavenly Father told me that day in Sacrament to go hug that stranger, because I needed her like she needed me and that through this journey I have shared with her, I would feel the love of our heavenly father and know that he does answer our prayers and that were not alone. That through these difficult times we would share a priceless bond and friendship. As I wait today to find out if the adoption will go through I once again turn it over to him, I know he can turn even the most difficult situations to good for us if we will trust him and stay true to his gospel.